A Mommy Madness Sex Talk Moment

Sitting around the kitchen table.

Thirteen: How do you know when you're ready to have sex?

The PhD: I'm never having sex. Never having kids.

Me: Yes, you will. You'll be ready when you can take responsibility for your body and for your emotional well-being. And when you're ready to answer the question, "What would I do if I or she became pregnant?"

Thirteen: That's it?

Me: Not by a long shot.

The PhD: I got it. I'm out.

(He heads to his room. Thirteen sits there and I can see the wheels still spinning. And I'm thinking, "Why didn't I pick up a bottle of wine while I was at the store?" I'm also thinking, "Why is it that I can speak so plainly about sex with my children, but have been loathe to approach the issue of Santa Claus?")